Random Archufacts

I got these Archu-isms from the lovely posters at Rickey.org. They are so fun to read. Most of them were coined by Scott.

• If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not David Archuleta.
• David Archuleta never actually learned to drive, roads simply move to be where he is.
• David Archuleta once played tennis with a wall. David won
• There was a time when David Archuleta didn’t cause women to thud. That time was called never.
• In his spare time, David Archuleta was the original Latino Power Ranger. Not the actor. The actual Power Ranger.
• Rearranging the letters of David Archuleta spells A CLEAR DIVA: THUD!
• David Archuleta is like an Altoid: small, white, and curiously strong
• Remember when David Archuleta wasn’t so popular and awesome? Me neither.
• David Archuleta can slam revolving doors.
• David Archuleta was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to slay every female on the show and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
• It takes David Archuleta 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
• Behind every great man, there is a great woman. Behind that woman is David Archuleta.
• David Archuleta knows the meaning of every word in the dictionary - except mercy.
• David Archuleta can dribble a football.
• David Archuleta ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
• Superman wears David Archuleta pajamas.
• If you have five dollars and David Archuleta has five dollars, David Archuleta has more money than you.
• When David Archuleta falls in water, David Archuleta doesn’t get wet. Water gets David Archuleta.
• A picture is worth a thousand words. A David Archuleta is worth 1 billion words.
• When taking the SAT, write “David Archuleta” for every answer. You will score over 8000.
• David Archuleta doesn’t bowl strikes. He just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
• There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, David Archuleta lives in Utah.
• David Archuleta’s iPod came with a real charger instead of just a USB cord.
• David Archuleta has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear clothes.
• David Archuleta has counted to infinity. Twice.
• Most people understand that their bank deposits are insured by the FDIC. What most people don’t understand is that the FDIC is insured by David Archuleta.
• Getting a phone called from David Archuleta is better than getting one from the Prezzzz.
• David Archuleta was once a knight in King Arthur’s court. He was known as Sir Hunkerdown.
• David Archuleta stared evil in the face, and it backed down.
• David Archuleta can build a snowman out of rain.
• David Archuleta can wear white after Labor Day.
• Looking at this picture of David Archuletahttp://www.david-hq.org/photos/displayimage.php?album=258&pos=9 while listening to “Love Me Tender” is the preferred method of execution for female prisoners in 42 states. *THUD*
• A Whopper takes two hands to handle David Archuleta
  David Archuleta CAN believe it’s not butter.
• Scientists have created a formula to calculate the amount of energy given off by the Big Bang: (x archu-thlap + y archu-hunkerdown) divided by y archu-points & smiles = *THUD*
• David Archuleta doesn’t exactly write music. The notes and lyrics assemble themselves in awe.
  4 out of 5 doctors recommend David Archuleta to cure what ails you.
• Staring at David Archuleta for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindness.
• David Archuleta proves that there is indeed heaven on earth.
• When David Archuleta goes fishing, the fish jump right into the boat and flop at his feet in gratitude
• If David Archuleta had been alive in the 1950’s, Lucy Ricardo would have had some splaining to do…
• Kevin Bacon plays six degrees of David Archuleta.
• It takes Racheal Ray 30 minutes to cook a meal. It takes David Archuleta 2.1 milliseconds to cook Rachael Ray into a thud burger.
• The moon does not shine as brightly as the Archuglow.
• David Archuleta accomplishes more with one vocal chord, than the Jonas Brothers do with six.
• David Archuleta is better than crazy glue. He bonds and holds people and things without contact.
• You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink. Unless you’re David Archuleta.
• David Archuleta’s body temperature is 98.6 degrees… Celsius
• No matter what your mother always said, David Archuleta CAN tune a fish.
• David Archuleta made Ellen turn straight.
• Dinosaurs went extinct because of the David Archuletasaurus.
• David Archuleta is cuter than a twonkie.
• Whenever David Archuleta goes for a swim, dolphins appear!
• David Archuleta can cook Minute Rice in 7 seconds. (Note for my Mormon friends: he knows how to make Jello, too)
• David Archuleta’s charm is so contagious, vaccines have been created for it.
• David Archuleta can toast a marshmallow by simply looking at it.
• David Archuleta doesn’t go at the speed of light, he goes at the speed of Archie.
• David Archuleta can light the Olympic Torch with his eyes.
• There are four legal methods of execution in the United States: lethal injection, gas chamber, electric chair and the hunkerdown.
• David Archuleta can sneeze with his eyes open.
• Jello put the jiggle in David Archuleta’s giggle!
• When he drives his Ford hybrid, every light turns green for David Archuleta.
• Who put the bompIn the bomp bah bomp bah bomp?Who put the ramIn the rama lama ding dong…David Archuleta did.
• David Archuleta has now replaced “Jello” as the official *snack* of Utah.
• The AI tour buses never have to stop for gasoline. They are fueled by Archenergy.
• Everyone has been getting on the Go Green bandwagon lately. Recent scientific studies have shown that it’s even better for the environment if you Go David Archuleta.
• David could look like the Phantom of the Opera and I would still want to listen to him sing.
• David Archuleta is solely responsible for global warming.
• Every time David Archuleta sings, an angel gets its wings
• The U.S. government will start banning Archuleta pictures to solve the ongoing water crisis.
• David Archuleta is not only a noun, but a verb.
• When David Archuleta goes to the bathroom, the toilet flushes by itself.
• Coke had to change their slogan, they found that David Archuleta was the “real thing”
• When David Archuleta picks his nose, he REALLY does find Gold.
• If you spell “David Archuleta” in Scrabble, you automatically win.
• David Archuleta CAN believe it’s not butter.
• David Archuleta is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.
• For David Archuleta, every street is “one way”. HIS WAY.
• David Archuleta can get Blackjack with just one card.
• David Archuleta let the dogs out.
• David Archuleta is left-handed. And right-handed.David Archuleta is so cool he doesn’t have to use oven mitts… or potholders.